Filmy Duniya News & Gossips: Is your man fussing over your weight?

Is your man fussing over your weight?

It’s a given that women are sensitive about their looks, but it can crush their confidence when their partners are critical about it

Most men dread the “Do I look fat in these clothes?” question asked by their girlfriends/wives, confused whether to tell the truth or subtly convey it to them or simply lie, to avoid offending them. But on the other hand, there are some men who waste no opportunity to criticise their partner’s physical appearance due to weight gain. Sadly, in some cases, they don’t think twice before mincing their words referring to certain body parts of their partner’s as ‘ugly’, saying they are embarrassed/ashamed to be seen with them in public, and other hurtful things. Little do these men know that their ‘alleged’ constructive criticism can be quite damaging to their women’s emotional well-being.

CASE IN POINT
Beverly D’Cruz, 26, a freelance writer, who recently got engaged for an arranged marriage, discovered her fiancé is worried about her weight for all the wrong reasons. “My fiancé started commenting on my weight a little after we got engaged. He stressed that I need to lose weight, so I looked gorgeous in my wedding dress,” she says. While first it seemed like motivation, it took an ugly turn too. He started sending her articles and online videos on how to lose weight. He also checked on her to know if she missed gymming. And if she did so, he’d scold her. “After a point, every fight lead to my weight issue some way or the other. Once he commented ‘You have such ugly arms’ and ‘I need a hot wife, don’t you want to be the same for me.’ Now, I am in a phase where I fail to understand if he loves me for who I am. I have lost confidence in myself. I feel fat, really fat. And I feel that will never change,” she says.

WHY ARE SOME MEN CRITICAL? “Our society has always been patriarchal which has created double standards for women. Women are expected to achieve size zero while a man with a paunch is considered a sign of prosperity. Physical attractiveness is based on social perceptions which is gauged by the fact that something that was fashionable in the 80s is passé today. Societal pressures make women who are overweight feel low and unhappy,” says Dr Balakrishnan.

EXPERT SPEAK
In most cases, when a woman gains weight she’s unhappy about it. Psychiatrist and psychotherapist Dr Anjali Chhabria has encountered cases where girls/women are much unhappier because their partners are critical of their weight. “It’s now a trend, as people are more weight conscious thereby increasing one’s expectations from their partner to maintain herself. Couples are also more open to discuss their expectations from each other physically and/or sexually. It can happen in any group i.e., college students, professionals or housewives,” she says adding, this is more common among college-goers due to their age-related insecurities, and housewives as they consider it a part of their role to satisfy their family’s needs or wants, and end up feeling inadequate when criticised for their weight.

HOW IT AFFECTS WOMEN?
Women tend to be sensitive about their physical appearance and do tend to take care of looking attractive for their partners. Chhabria explains, “Women look at themselves through their partner’s eyes. So when they hear complaints about their weight from them, they are likely to feel bad, inferior and may also worry about their physical intimacy with their boyfriend/husband.” On the other hand, when criticism is taken positively, they may be motivated to lose weight and try to live up to their partner’s expectations as subsequently they want to be accepted by them.

ADVICE FOR MEN Consultant psychiatrist Dr Milan Balakrishnan says that men need to understand that being overweight is often a vicious cycle of emotional eating and suggests the following advice:
Society is already putting women under a lot of pressure and the most important person in their life also being critical will only add to this problem.
Women need to be encouraged to stay healthy, fit and happy with all the focus not being on the weighing scale.
Supporting your partner and establishing that weight need not be equated with self-esteem.
Taking part in activities as a couple like sports or dance, which both enjoy, will make keeping fit fun.

A WORD OF CAUTION: Boyfriends/husbands should also be observant (of their partner) of symptoms of being more irritable, crying, changes in sleep — too much or too little, decreased interest in previously pleasurable activities which may be symptoms of depression and seek help in such cases.
TV actress Debina Bonnerjee’s health-conscious husband Gurmeet Choudhary doesn’t let her eat any mangoes, fearing she would gain weight. “The problem is that Gurmeet doesn’t allow me to eat mangoes because he thinks I will become fat. So, I haven’t had any mangoes yet... Hopefully, before the season ends, I would get to eat some,” Debina said here on the sets of her TV show.