‘My mother’s advice may not be politically correct or gender-friendly, but it still rings true’
Though she’s the daughter of Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi and Sharmila Tagore, sister of Saif Ali Khan and sister-in-law of Kareena Kapoor Khan — actress Soha Ali Khan says her identity is completely separate from theirs. Describing herself as a feminist and, above all, a proud woman, she explains, “As women, our identity becomes subsumed by the fact that we are wives, daughters and mothers, and that becomes our all-encompassing identity. It happens with women because we are naturally driven towards being caretakers and being sacrificing. Between a husband and a wife, it is the woman who is traditionally more likely to give up stuff — though the world is changing now. Our minds are slowly changing and men are taking up larger roles at home, while women are doing the same at the workplace.”
In a chat with the team, Soha talks about her other concerns regarding feminism and the #MeToo movement, her ‘politically incorrect’ mom Sharmila, and more.
ON THE #METOO MOVEMENT
Expressing her dismay over how women who have spoken against sexual abusers have been trolled relentlessly during the #MeToo Movement, Soha says, “It is time we women stand by those who spoke out during the #MeToo Movement. To see these women not finding work is absolutely sad. What has happened is very unfortunate, and I am still waiting to see the results of the #MeToo movement. It is very good that we are talking about it and that discussions are happening, but where are the consequences? Of course, we have to wait for the people who have been accused to be found guilty and there’s a whole process behind that. Having said that, I do believe in consent and I do believe when a woman says ‘no’, it must be respected. Also, in Bollywood, we have women filmmakers and producers who have taken a stand, and vowed to not to work with people who have been found guilty.”
ON MOM SHARMILA TAGORE’S NOT-SOGENDER-FRIENDLY ADVICE
She might be a mother herself now, Soha says she still gets a dose of motherly advice from Sharmila every single day.
“Mom gives me advice every single day, about how I’m not eating regularly enough, not sleeping enough, that I need to look after my skin, I shouldn’t colour my hair, my eyebrows are too thin, etc. Most of her advice I discard, especially the thin eyebrows part,” shares Soha with a smile.
She adds, “On a serious note, the advice she gives me might not be politically correct and not even gender-friendly in today’s day and age, but it still does ring true a little bit. For example, she says, ‘don’t offend a woman’s emotions and don’t offend a man’s ego, and then you’ll have a happy marriage’. Though as a feminist living in the 21st century, I think a woman also has an ego and a man has emotions, still, somehow, I feel that when you manage men and women in a marriage — and if you are sympathetic to that way of thinking, which may be a little old-school – you have a successful marriage. However, not everyone needs to follow the advice.”
ON THE PAPARAZZI CONSTANTLY SURROUNDING INAAYA
Though she is enjoying every moment of motherhood, Soha says that she does feel concerned about the growing paparazzi culture and finds it ‘disturbing’ how Taimur and Inaaya are clicked constantly. “Childhood is all about innocence. Being constantly surrounded by cameras and shutterbugs, makes children lose that innocence. It’s terrifying and worrying, to say the least,” says the Oxford graduate.
The conversation then turns to her niece Sara Ali Khan. “I feel incredibly proud of her. I’m very happy that she’s had such a good start, because I feel it will make her journey easier. I think she chose the best films both, in terms of performance and in terms of commercial success. So, I think she is quite set. And I love the way she conducts herself personally. She is very sincere and forthcoming, and I love her command over Hindi, Urdu and English, as well as her confidence. She’s not trying to be anyone else. She’s not trying to come up with the best answer. She is just being herself and that’s why people are responding to her.”
SOHA ALI KHAN
... with Sharmila Tagore
Though she’s the daughter of Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi and Sharmila Tagore, sister of Saif Ali Khan and sister-in-law of Kareena Kapoor Khan — actress Soha Ali Khan says her identity is completely separate from theirs. Describing herself as a feminist and, above all, a proud woman, she explains, “As women, our identity becomes subsumed by the fact that we are wives, daughters and mothers, and that becomes our all-encompassing identity. It happens with women because we are naturally driven towards being caretakers and being sacrificing. Between a husband and a wife, it is the woman who is traditionally more likely to give up stuff — though the world is changing now. Our minds are slowly changing and men are taking up larger roles at home, while women are doing the same at the workplace.”
In a chat with the team, Soha talks about her other concerns regarding feminism and the #MeToo movement, her ‘politically incorrect’ mom Sharmila, and more.
ON THE #METOO MOVEMENT
Expressing her dismay over how women who have spoken against sexual abusers have been trolled relentlessly during the #MeToo Movement, Soha says, “It is time we women stand by those who spoke out during the #MeToo Movement. To see these women not finding work is absolutely sad. What has happened is very unfortunate, and I am still waiting to see the results of the #MeToo movement. It is very good that we are talking about it and that discussions are happening, but where are the consequences? Of course, we have to wait for the people who have been accused to be found guilty and there’s a whole process behind that. Having said that, I do believe in consent and I do believe when a woman says ‘no’, it must be respected. Also, in Bollywood, we have women filmmakers and producers who have taken a stand, and vowed to not to work with people who have been found guilty.”
ON MOM SHARMILA TAGORE’S NOT-SOGENDER-FRIENDLY ADVICE
She might be a mother herself now, Soha says she still gets a dose of motherly advice from Sharmila every single day.
“Mom gives me advice every single day, about how I’m not eating regularly enough, not sleeping enough, that I need to look after my skin, I shouldn’t colour my hair, my eyebrows are too thin, etc. Most of her advice I discard, especially the thin eyebrows part,” shares Soha with a smile.
She adds, “On a serious note, the advice she gives me might not be politically correct and not even gender-friendly in today’s day and age, but it still does ring true a little bit. For example, she says, ‘don’t offend a woman’s emotions and don’t offend a man’s ego, and then you’ll have a happy marriage’. Though as a feminist living in the 21st century, I think a woman also has an ego and a man has emotions, still, somehow, I feel that when you manage men and women in a marriage — and if you are sympathetic to that way of thinking, which may be a little old-school – you have a successful marriage. However, not everyone needs to follow the advice.”
ON THE PAPARAZZI CONSTANTLY SURROUNDING INAAYA
Though she is enjoying every moment of motherhood, Soha says that she does feel concerned about the growing paparazzi culture and finds it ‘disturbing’ how Taimur and Inaaya are clicked constantly. “Childhood is all about innocence. Being constantly surrounded by cameras and shutterbugs, makes children lose that innocence. It’s terrifying and worrying, to say the least,” says the Oxford graduate.
The conversation then turns to her niece Sara Ali Khan. “I feel incredibly proud of her. I’m very happy that she’s had such a good start, because I feel it will make her journey easier. I think she chose the best films both, in terms of performance and in terms of commercial success. So, I think she is quite set. And I love the way she conducts herself personally. She is very sincere and forthcoming, and I love her command over Hindi, Urdu and English, as well as her confidence. She’s not trying to be anyone else. She’s not trying to come up with the best answer. She is just being herself and that’s why people are responding to her.”
SOHA ALI KHAN
... with Sharmila Tagore
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